Trying to control myself

Here, trying to control my emotions, trying to hold my paine, isn't easy. All those moments we spend togheter, all those kisses, all those plans... just on my head, just placed in my own world, lived by myself, all alone. I wish I could just make it real, have you by my side, spend hours telling you how much I need, love and want you, how much I care, telling that I'm with you even when you're so far away, that I can't get you out of my mind, even if I wanted to... 'cause I can see you even when my eyes are closed, 'cause I would be here even if you told me that you hated me. I wish you could understand that every day I left behind without you is my sacrifice, my sin. Perhaps I should just say it, but maybe you will never hear half of what I realy feel when I see you walk on my direction, maybe you will never miss the floor beneath your feet like I do, when I left all my fantasy and realise that when you' re with me, I will just have a friend by my side, someone who cares about me but doesn't love me, not like I do. By my side? Yes, but not at all, not 4 ever. Maybe you're asking yourself why am I writing this and not just say it, but how can I say something when I'm lost in your eyes? How can I show you what I feel when just your smile put me out of control? I don't know when this dillemma is gonna ending empress, but even in the end I will be there.